Crying

I received an email from one of my sisters a few weeks ago and once again I found myself crying as I read it. It made me think about the act of crying.

As we were growing up, we were taught not to cry. When we were punished as small children - a spanking - we were told by my father, almost immediately, to "dry it up." We were never allowed to show the physical pain that we were suffering.

As we grew, we were continually shown (and told) that crying was a sign of weakness. That began to teach us not to show our emotional pain either. I think that this may have been because my father always wanted boys and got girls instead. He treated us like boys until we were teenagers, when we actually began to look like women, and he believes that boys don't cry. I believe that as a child he was not allowed to cry so he did not let us do it either. I am also beginning to think that it made him "feel" and he does not know how to do that.

As I have aged and am learning about myself, which is still a work in progress, I have often wondered about crying. I do it in secret so that no one will know that I am sad or hurting. Why should I have to do that? Why should it feel shameful to cry? Isn't crying just a way of showing emotion and that should be a good thing. Feelings should be shared whether they are happy or not so happy. Holding them in only causes us to suffer more in the long run.

We hold babies when they cry and try to comfort them. Shouldn't we do that to the adults that we know?

I cry sometimes at a happy ending in a movie. I cry at weddings. I cried as I watched my granddaughter being born. I cry when I receive heartfelt gifts. I cry when I chop onions. Why is that type of crying allowed, but not when we are hurting?

It is a long road to travel by yourself when the people around you do not really know what you are feeling. You hold back because you think that they do not want to know. Is it really okay to cry around them? How does it make them feel? Should you care if they do not know how to deal with it or should you cry anyway because it makes you feel better?